typing is not activism….

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Archive for the ‘hilarious’ Category

New Australian Anthem

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It has been floating around for a while, but to see AusFailure National Tantrum show up in the Sydney Morning Herald – where it may well be read by a quarter of a million Sydneysiders – certainly brings a grin that goes from ear to era.

The article is here, and this is the National Tantrum, as penned and painted by awesome Indigenous artist, didge guru and all round kickass mofo Adam Hill (not the whitefella, the other fella.)

AUSFAILURE NATIONAL TANTRUM

Australians all let us remorse

For we are blind can’t see

We’ve golden soil that we all spoil

Our home washes into sea

Our land abounds in racist gits

Of whom we really can’t bear

In history’s cage recompense the slaves

Do Australians really care?

In painful strains that left a sting

Do Australians really care?

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Written by typingisnotactivism

June 1, 2009 at 2:25 am

SAS preparing French paratroopers for Pakistan

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Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.  After the first day they met up in the bar.  “Ah, Pierre ,” asks one, “ow ‘av you been doing?”

“Merde!” answers Pierre .  “I ‘av ‘ad ze most terrible day.  Terrible!  At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg ‘airy sergeant.  ‘E dragged me out of bed and onto ze parade ground.”

“And zen what ‘appened?”  enquired his mate.

“I will tell you what ‘appened!  ‘E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five ft off ze ground and zen ‘e said “Jurmp!”

“And did you jurmp?” asks his mate.

“I did not. I told ‘im – ‘I am a French paratrooper.  I do not jurmp five feet.  Eet is beneath my dignity’.”

“And zen what ‘appened?” asks his mate.

“Zen ‘e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and ‘e said “Jermp.”

“And did you jurmp?” asks his mate.

“I did not.  I told ‘im – ‘I am a French paratrooper.  I do not jurmp ten feet.  Eet is beneath my dignity’.”

“What ‘appened zen?” asks his mate.

“Zen ‘e made me clim urp zis rickety platform un’undred feet above ze parade ground. ‘E undid ‘is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and ‘e said ‘If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your aarze!”

“Sacre Bleu, mon ami” says his mate.  “And did you jurmp?”

“A leetle, at ze beginning.”
(thanks to Mr. M)

Written by typingisnotactivism

March 14, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Good Riddance: SMH Editor Alan Oakley Hands Over the Race-baiting Ignorance Flogging Boob-soaked Flesh Wand of Destiny.

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Alan Oakley

Former SMH Editor

STILL A TOTAL KNOB

Of course it’s not all good news. The Zionist douchebag did step down yesterday – whatever that means is yet to be clear – but has apparently been offered an important strategic position at Fairfax. That probably means he’ll be getting paid six figures to Photoshop well-oiled breasts on to dead Arabs and equally dead polar bears.

As always, the Herald’s own article about the departure of one of Fairfax’s own is a vapid piece of sh*t which quite literally functions as nothing more than a press release. How quality of the paper is it that today another executive, David Kirk, has been dumped, so they sent an intern round to his back fence to take this photo.

What a shame he wasn’t pissing on a tree or rolling drunk and morbid in his own vomit at the time. Still, they have at least managed to make him appear mildly depressed, even though he’s actually just busy sending a text message.

The Australian’s article about Oakley’s departure from the Simply Moaning Hairball at least makes clear why he felt it necessary to turn the paper into a piece of glamorous mindless populist piece of turd largely written at a fourth grade reading and analysis level. Seems his lateral elevation was all about Sunday papers – tits, car ads, and Michael Jackson stories, basically.

Anyway – good riddance. If the Herald hadn’t formerly been a very worthwhile newspaper, and if it wasn’t still holding a stable of very good writers and journalists, then there would be no reason for frustration with the wad of 90% trans-fats that it has become in the last two+ years under Oakley and the completely visionless board of Fairfax.

One might hope that Oakley’s departure will open the door for a dramatic improvement of the ailing newspaper culture at the Sydney Morning Herald and Farifax’s other outposts, but based on their sustained form there is little reason for that hope.

Written by typingisnotactivism

December 5, 2008 at 1:34 pm

Flurges Unite!!!

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Written by typingisnotactivism

September 16, 2008 at 1:58 am

Posted in art, hilarious

Tagged with

Voting for vaginas – coz Hilree n Sayra iz the saaym.

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niiiiice one Juliet Jeske, you rock. completely counterbalances the argument that anything which bleeds for five days without dying shouldn’t be trusted. as well as douchebags like this and even bigger stupider douchebags like this. Dems4McCain actually identify with Forrest Gump, seriously… probably because brain damage is a better excuse than an explanation Joe Liebermensch has yet come up with.

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September 7, 2008 at 10:40 pm

ur Cat, ai haz it. zmogwtf?!

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catfoundsml.jpg

so the obvious question is “which bit’s funniest?” – ‘not very friendly’, ‘not house broken’, ‘no collar’ or ‘might be scared’? O yeah, there’s also ‘CAT FOUND’!!

*Nelson sez* Haaa Haa

Written by typingisnotactivism

February 21, 2008 at 3:48 pm

Dear Abby, my husband is a liar and a cheat…

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Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job eight years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like
me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief woman, you don’t need him anymore!
You’re a Senator from New York running for President of the United States.
Act like one.

Signed: Abby

Written by typingisnotactivism

February 11, 2008 at 12:37 pm