typing is not activism….

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Archive for the ‘LOLitics’ Category

WORLD LEADERS SIGN PACT TO AVERT CLIMATE DISASTER

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June 18, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

TOP HEADLINE: WORLD LEADERS SIGN PACT TO AVERT CLIMATE DISASTER
Newspaper Ignites Hope, Announces “Civil Disobedience Database”

* Civil-disobedience database: http://BeyondTalk.net
* PDF of printed newspaper: http://iht.greenpeace.org/todays-paper/
– Online version: http://www.iht-se.com/
* Video: http://iht.greenpeace.org/video/ (coming soon)
In a front-page ad in today’s International Herald Tribune, the leaders of the European Union thank the European public for having engaged in months of civil disobedience leading up to the Copenhagen climate conference that will be held this December.

“It was only thanks to your massive pressure over the past six months that we could so dramatically shift our climate-change policies…. To those who were arrested, we
thank you.”

There was only one catch: the paper was fake.

Looking exactly like the real thing, but dated December 19th, 2009, a million copies of the fake paper were distributed worldwide by thousands of volunteers in order to show what could be achieved at the Copenhagen climate conference that is scheduled for Dec. 7-18, 2009.

At the moment, the conference is aiming for much more modest cuts, dismissed by leading climate scientists as too little, too late to stave off runaway processes that will lead to millions or even billions of casualties.

The paper describes in detail a powerful (and entirely possible) new treaty to bring carbon levels down below 350 parts per million – the
level climate scientists say we need to achieve to avoid climate catastrophe.

One article describes how a website, http://BeyondTalk.net, mobilized thousands of people to put their bodies on the line to
confront climate change policies – ever since way back in June, 2009.

Although the newspaper is a fake (its production and launch were coordinated by Greenpeace), the website is real. Beyondtalk.net is part of a growing network of websites calling for direct action on climate change, building on statements made in recent months by noted political
figures.

For example, in September Nobel laureate Al Gore asserted that “we have reached the stage where it is time for civil disobedience to
prevent the construction of new coal plants.”

Leading American environmentalist Bill McKibben was enthusiastic about the newspaper’s message and the methods BeyondTalk.net calls for.

“We need a political solution grounded in reality – grounded in physics and chemistry. That will only come if we can muster a wide variety of political tactics, including civil disobedience.”

“Non-violent civil disobedience has been at the forefront of almost every successful campaign for change,” said Andy Bichlbaum of The Yes
Men
, who helped write and edit the newspaper and are furnishing the technology for BeyondTalk.net. “Especially in America, and especially today, we need to push our leaders hard to stand up to industry lobbyists and make the sorts of changes we need.”

“Roosevelt would never have been able to push through the New Deal if people hadn’t taken to the streets, occupied factories, and demanded
it,” noted newspaper writer/editor and University of California professor Lawrence Bogad.

“Segregation, British rule in India, and apartheid wouldn’t have ended without a lot of people being creatively uncooperative – even if that meant getting arrested. Nonviolent civil
disobedience is the bread and butter of progress.”

The fake newspaper also has an ad for “Action Offsets,” whereby those who aren’t willing to risk arrest can help those who are.

A HOPEFUL NEWS PANDEMIC?

Today’s fake International Herald Tribune is part of a rash of recent publications which mimic prominent newspapers. Last November, a fake edition of the New York Times announced that the Iraq War was over. A few days earlier, a hoax USA Today featured the US presidential election result: “Capitalism Wins at the Polls: Anarchy Brewing in the Streets.”
And this April 1st, a spoof edition of Germany’s Zeit newspaper triumphantly announced the end of “casino capitalism” and the abolition
of poor-country debt.

The rash of fakes is likely to continue. “People are going to keep finding ways to get the word out about common-sense solutions those in
power say are impossible,” said Kelli Anderson, one of the designers of the fake International Herald Tribune and co-designer (with Daniel
Dunnam) of BeyondTalk.net.

“We already know what we need to do about climate change,” said Agnes de Rooij of Greenpeace International. “It’s a no-brainer. Reduce carbon emissions, or put the survival of billions of people at risk. If the political will isn’t there now, it’s our duty to inspire it.”

* CONTACT:
– The Yes Men, mailto:press@theyesmen.org
– Mark Breddy (Greenpeace), mailto:mark.breddy@greenpeace.org,
(+32) (0)2 2741 903, (+32) (0)496 15 62 29 (mob.)
– Lawrence Bogad, mailto:l.m.bogad@gmail.com,
+1-212 300 7943

Written by typingisnotactivism

June 18, 2009 at 10:16 pm

Wayne Swan spreads the green b.s. thickly

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Of course it’s not just Wayne. Kevin Rudd will have disciplined all of his ministers to sing from the same hymn sheet, and it’s a shame that Labor lacks the spine needed to produce, let alone tolerate, vocally dissenting backbenchers. They might listen to arguments made within the party, because the only other people they are listening to are utter knobs like Heather Ridout, Peter Hendy, and anybody with a mining company or aluminium smelter.

Mr Swan said the minimum 5 per cent target announced on Monday “struck the right balance”, adding that it would equate to a 34 per cent reduction in per capita emissions by 2020.

“If we were to achieve a 15 per cent reduction in that timeframe, that would be a 41 per cent reduction in per capita terms,” Mr Swan told ABC Radio on Tuesday.

So this is the T-r-e-a-s-u-r-e-r using m-a-t-h. Scarey, huh? The federal government is very happy with this particular set of numbers because it makes the absence of commitment somehow sound like firm action. But think about it – 5% equals a 34% reduction, yet 15% only equals a 41% reduction.

Somebody’s been taking lessons in logic from Julie Bishop.

Written by typingisnotactivism

December 16, 2008 at 12:46 pm

Juicy behind the scenes rumours from US election

with 5 comments

Sorry for the sleazy title, but if you’ve got such a problem with it, how did you end up here?

Turns out that Newsweak (NOT a typo) has been running a little project via its journalists, gathering anything not-fit-for-print or off-the-record pre-election to release post-election.

Genii.

Although it’s quite hilarious to read that Sarah Palin couldn’t grasp that Africa is a “continent” rather than a “country”, the eye-catching bit of awesomeness is a comment from Obama, in which he (rightly) derides the debate stage show.

When he was preparing for the Democratic primary debates, Obama was recorded saying, “I don’t consider this to be a good format for me, which makes me more cautious. I often find myself trapped by the questions and thinking to myself, ‘You know, this is a stupid question, but let me … answer it.’ So when Brian Williams is asking me about what’s a personal thing that you’ve done [that’s green], and I say, you know, ‘Well, I planted a bunch of trees.’ And he says, ‘I’m talking about personal.’ What I’m thinking in my head is, ‘Well, the truth is, Brian, we can’t solve global warming because I f—ing changed light bulbs in my house. It’s because of something collective’.

Apart from it being reassuring to know that Obama uses the F word, how on-the-money is that assessment of feelgood new age greenness. Lovin’ it. Gobama!

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November 6, 2008 at 7:52 pm

Sarah Palin has not approved these political cheezburgers. Will you?

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After you have voted for any of the messages you like by clicking on the images below (hint hint), then make sure to go check out Pundit Kitchen – from the same nom noms who brought you I Can Has Cheezburger, it’s more democratic than democracy, costs less than freedom, and it’s less likely to kill a doctor or beat a single mother than an evilgelical Xtian.


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October 12, 2008 at 6:30 pm

New Liberal Leader Malcolm Turnbull: shocking revelations…

with 2 comments

Breaking news: McCain takes lead

with one comment

in shit-eating contest.

seriously… you want people who stage fast-food-tolerating down-and-folksy photo ops in charge of all the things that an American president can use to f@%k the world?

You’re a bunch of friggin’ Miss Carolinas.

Written by typingisnotactivism

September 10, 2008 at 1:27 am

New McCain-Palin badges. AWESOME!!!

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September 9, 2008 at 4:33 am

McCain launches chemical attack

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September 8, 2008 at 10:41 pm

Voting for vaginas – coz Hilree n Sayra iz the saaym.

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niiiiice one Juliet Jeske, you rock. completely counterbalances the argument that anything which bleeds for five days without dying shouldn’t be trusted. as well as douchebags like this and even bigger stupider douchebags like this. Dems4McCain actually identify with Forrest Gump, seriously… probably because brain damage is a better excuse than an explanation Joe Liebermensch has yet come up with.

Written by typingisnotactivism

September 7, 2008 at 10:40 pm

What’s better than right wing Christian nut jobs in the White House? Maybe fake pregnancies….

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George W & McBrains actual running mate
George W & McBrain’s actual running mate

John McCain is dangerously mental – it’s simple. Obama can’t deliver all that he promises and some of the promises on which he can deliver (like more support for Israel and nuclear power) are scary but now the whole billion dollar race for the White House has taken on a David Lynch twist.

This article in the Daily Kos and its sequel right here make the claim that Sarah Palin, McCain’s purely strategic nominee for the vice presidency (maverickly chosen ultra-conservative female fundie Xtian) has faked the birth of her most tactically wonderful Downs Syndrome un-aborted 5-month old baby.

one of these people is 7 months pregnant…..

According to the story & photos, she showed no signs of pregnancy, even at what was supposedly 7 months, and spent more than 8 hours on a plane after her water had broken. And nobody noticed her going into anything resembling labour.

And in the follow up story, it is reported that around what should have been the 7 month mark (for Sarah)

one of these people is 7 months pregnant.....

her 16-year old daughter was involved in a car collision, driving a vehicle leaving a family medical centre according to the police report.

Of course, that could be a coincidence. She may have just dropped off her mum. During her break from school.

When she took off some time for an infection.

That lasted 5 months.

What’s that Scully?

Holy crap! Just in, this piece from New York Times – the 16-year-old anti-abortion puppet doesn’t seem to have learned a thing. She’s pregnant again! Seems the Palins aren’t going to wait for the Pretzeldency, and are trying to breed their way to global domination instead.

Naaaasty.

Written by typingisnotactivism

September 2, 2008 at 1:24 am

US Democrats – tactical genius!!

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Yes indeed, the US Democrats could well have won the election with ease this year. Having recaptured the Congress and the Senate in 2006, not been the government responsible for the last 8 years of disastrous defence, foreign, domestic, economic, natural disaster, war, and social policies, and running against albino Republican candidate Elmer McFudd – nothing short of every single Democrat coming down with HIV after a massive gay orgy to celebrate Osama Bin Laden’s birthday should really be inverting their ascendancy.

But what can be said about a party pouring all its supporters’ time, effort, hopes, and dollars into an ever-widening chasm of self-loathing? Cheese-eating surrender monkeys? Spineless slaves to peecee guilt? Wimpy, wet, directionless intellectually-prostrate masturbatorial over-achievers thoroughly disconnected from the reality of daily life?

Absolutely.

Or, maybe…. tactical geniuses!!

In 2000, right up until he swallowed every drop squirted at him by the Supremely Loaded Court, Al Gore really tried to win the US election. Sure, in 2004 John Kerry didn’t go so far as to get a man’s haircut or even completely extricate that same haircut from his own ass, but you did at least get the sense that he was trying to win.

The Democrats have realized that this is a failed strategy, which immediately recommends them as the next government of America, given that the current brand of dictator wouldn’t recognize a failed strategy even if it turned his Vice President’s daughter gay.

Realizing that they can’t stop their candidate – whoever they end up grudgingly conceding that to be – trying to win, and therefore losing (as has happened twice now), the Dems have come up with a brilliant “Nothing or All” strategy. By doing their utter best to convince the US public and the world at large that they really, really, really don’t deserve to be in charge of a spit bucket, let alone the world’s largest nuclear arsenal/ economy/ etc., they will perhaps have leadership thrust upon them… in pretty much the same way that they haven’t lately.

The natural trajectory of this logic is for Hillary Rodham Clinton to run as Barack Obama’s deputy. Because then when Obama is elected (if the lose-at-all-costs-by-completely-wimping-out-whenever-possible strategy of the DNC works), it will only be a matter of weeks until one of her fanatical sore-loser supporters shoots him dead and raises her paygrade.

At which point her “team” will deny any involvement.

Genius.

Written by typingisnotactivism

June 1, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Tasmanian Bum Puppet Paul Lennon Finally Pisses Off

with 3 comments

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST!!!!

(by DJ Lobsterdust)

Woo Hoo!!!!! Paul Lennon has run out of scapegoat deputies and finally resigned as Premier of Tasmania. In what may be one of the only political moves he has ever made in the genuine interest of Tasmania’s populace and future generations, Big Red finally pulled the plug on his untenable losership blaming his 17% popularity rating and the needs of the party, rather than the fact that health claims about the vitamin content of Coco Pops are widely considered more credible than he is.

It will only be to make way for a slightly less oafish brand of corporate lackey douchebaggitora sociopathica, but bugger it – that’s something to get depressed about tomorrow and every day thereafter. For now, it’s time to pop corks and light whatever your preferred flavour of fat one might be.

Lovely bit from Tasmanian Times here – guessing their offices erupted into some sort of Bacchanalian orgy with in seconds of Big Fat Red finally making the announcement that TT had so long been anticipating. As they say,

The disaster of the pulp mill became more about the erosion of democracy and public trust than it was even about the environment. If it was the most glaring example of Paul Lennon’s contempt for proper governance and indifference to democratic process, he was here only following where Bacon had trod. At his ascension Lennon made much of his determination to fulfill Bacon’s vision for Tasmania. How could he know it also portended his own tragedy?

For he lacked Bacon’s charisma. Perhaps his greatest political failure was to be too honest about all that Bacon covered over with his undoubted public charm.

Lennon is now gone.

Even in the moment of final “Good Riddance”, the Mercury – “Tasmania’s leading source of frequently pro-government pap propped up by ad dollars” – has seen fit to run a blancmange of cut-and-pasted infobytes and ministerial quotes which more or less neglects to mention the curry-fart cloud of corruption and big-money-friendly bloody-mindedness hanging over the squinty eyed Big Red One for the last decade or so.

Nevertheless, at least the Mercury has chosen to mention on this fine day that Gunns are having some trouble getting the cash for their toxic planet-raping bog roll enabling Pulp Mill. Seems that ANZ are backing away from the project under the guise of credit concerns, rather than risking future industry dollars by bluntly opposing any project that might make the Exxon Valdez seem like a hiccough.

I don’t share the optimism of pundits who think that the departure of Lennon means a sure end to the pulp mill, nor do I think that ANZ’s unwillingness to fund the bastardry – even if this is officially confirmed in the fullness of time – is a guaranteed end to the world’s biggest, stupidest pulp mill. What is needed for 200 000 hectares of forest to rest easy is for John Gay to announce the project’s demise to the ASX, and for Peter Garrett to rescind any and all outstanding approvals related to the project. Given that Garrett just last week approved the construction of mill worker’s quarters, the gigantic forest-eater may yet have legs… ugly, gnarled, wart-infested, pus-dripping legs.

Read comments by the Tassie public here and here – seems most people are calling for a massive piss-up or a public holiday to properly acknowledge Lennon’s departure.

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May 26, 2008 at 1:46 pm

Hillary Clinton’s final solution..

with 2 comments

bless you mildewmaximillian. This is friggin sweet for all the right reasons.

Cheesing balls.

Seriously.

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May 20, 2008 at 5:15 pm

Brendan Nelson is a Coiffured Fuckdoodle

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Any takers? Flamers? Trolls?

Didn’t think so.

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April 22, 2008 at 2:30 am

Obama v. Clinton defined

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I’ve resisted any temptation to post about the US primaries simply because when kids are screaming and whining it’s not a situation that’s going to benefit from more attention. But this line from an article by Jonathan Freedland following the Texas-Ohio-Mordor primaries just nails it:

Democrats could be facing a choice between a woman who can win the party nomination but not the presidency and a man who could win the presidency but not his party’s nomination.

And this picture by Mr. Fish says as much:

I really think that American politics is way out in front in the global race to the bottom, Orwell-fantacizing irony-missing fart-sniffing bullshit-spouting sweepstakes, but Jeezus Effing Christ! After this week’s tri-state clusterfukkk, Hillary emailed her supporters to say that

Together, we are making history and showing every little girl in America that she can be anything she wants to be.

Now I may be mistaken, but I think that if Barack Obama emailed his supporters to say

Together, we are making history and showing every little black in America that they can be anything they want to be.

then the response would be an almighty “WTF?”. Which leaves me feeling pretty confident in my diagnosis of Billary as the all-time passive aggressive power-hungry hypocritical pantsuit motherfucker ever.

Your democracy is a joke America. I’m skipping the wait and printing up my Chelsea 2024 t-shirt now.

McCain may be a big White Elephant, but the Democrats are really a bunch of asses. It’s increasingly obvious how their own system worked to deliver the astoundingly pointless John Kerry as some kind of wannabe answer to George Dumber-than-you Bush. Maybe Barack should angle to be dismissed as a lesbian by Bill Clinton, then he too could claim to have Hillary’s level of leading edge experience in being close to the presidency.

Hi I’m Barack Obama. Bill Clinton wouldn’t fuck me, so how about giving me a chance to not fuck you.

I mean, really, anybody using the fact that they served cucumber sandwiches to visiting dignitaries and went on tourist jaunst to ’80 countries on the taxpayer-dime as a reason to vote for them really must just not have anything better to offer.

God knows Dennis Thatcher would do an awesome job of running Britain, eh what?

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March 8, 2008 at 9:44 pm

Dear Abby, my husband is a liar and a cheat…

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Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job eight years ago, he hasn’t even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like
me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed: Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief woman, you don’t need him anymore!
You’re a Senator from New York running for President of the United States.
Act like one.

Signed: Abby

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February 11, 2008 at 12:37 pm

Forest campaign against Garrett may have teeth…

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Just pilfered this sassy new bulletin from the ever-lovely Tasmanian Times. It comes fresh from the keyboard of Karl Stevens:

Peter Garrett needs a comb as much as Tasmania needs a pulp mill’.

This is a new campaign targeting Environment Minister Peter Garrett …

PEOPLE are asked to send a plastic hair comb or a picture of a hair comb, with or without an anti-pulpmill message to Environment Minister Garrett.

Nothing abusive or insulting please.

The aim of this campaign is to draw attention to Garrett’s refusal to acknowledge the proposed pulp mill and the clearing of native forest in Tasmania as a critical environmental issue.

There are the 2 addresses for people to post to:
Peter Garrett
Suit MG40
Parliament House Canberra ACT 2600

Peter Garrett
PO Box 249
Maroubra NSW 2035

If you happen to be combing the internet from overseas, just stick ‘Australia’ in before the postcode.

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January 14, 2008 at 12:59 am

US reading of Kevin Rudd’s victory

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GettelongThe New York Times has gone with an epitaph for George Bush’s best white English-as-a-first-language li’l buddy. They more or less say Bye John, Hi Kev. Apparently the main difference between the two is that Rudd wants to pull Aussie combat troops out of Iraq. And of course

Mr. Rudd, 18 years younger than Mr. Howard, has a reputation as a cerebral student of policy, as opposed to the Liberal leader’s image of a hardened and aggressive political animal.

Mr. Rudd’s rather dry image was if anything enhanced by the revelation which emerged shortly before the beginning of the campaign that he had got drunk and visited a strip club when he was on a visit to Scores New York in 2003. Read the rest of this entry »

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November 25, 2007 at 4:11 am

Turnbull and Downer caught fighting over future prospects…

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while Howard courts the fruit and gangsta vote.

johnny-pimp-ii.jpg

o yeah, you know that’s how he’s rollin.

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November 24, 2007 at 2:53 am

Aussie Election soundtrack & music video thread….

with 5 comments

Just breathe, it’s all gunna be foine.

The ever-on-to-it PossCom has had a great idea – an Open Edition Election Thread of Angst & Therapy.

*using Holden-driving FM radio announcer voice* “Whether it’s a before- or after-party, this’ll keep your virtual loungeroom kicking on. Because what’s a virtual lounge room without a soundtrack? A virtual loungeroom…without a soundtrack.”

But I digress. What’s on your playlist as Earmunch stares down Hatepig?

Some of these are obvious, some maybe not. All should be more fun with coffee than Laurie Oakes. What I’ve got in mind so far is: Read the rest of this entry »

Howard & Costello in dramatic last minute recruitment drive.

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braaaaainsii.jpg

which naturally lends itself to

braaaaainsiii.jpg

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November 21, 2007 at 7:29 pm

A Christmas message for Prime Minister John Howard

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i know it’s a bit

early, but hopefully next

week will be too late

happyxmas-johnnymin.jpg

BWAH HAH HAH HA HA HAAAAAAAAH!!!

add to kwoff

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November 20, 2007 at 12:53 pm

Peter Costello – new pre-election policy position!!

with 3 comments

why just be

fiscally conservative,

when you can be

physically contraceptive…

smirkchoicesthe68.jpg

this rich and joyful tapestry would not have happened without the wisdom of Merry Gander at Tasmanian Times. . . onya!

add to kwoff

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November 20, 2007 at 3:32 am

My message of support for Prime Minister John Howard

with 2 comments

a-message-from-ostraylya.jpg

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November 19, 2007 at 11:53 pm

Costello reaches out with fresh ad campaign!!

with one comment

 

SmirkChoices

 

apparently Costello’s team has extensively polled Australian households, and they would like him to stop it.

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November 19, 2007 at 1:18 am