Under Southern Scars – Australia’s new National Vanthem. by “Um” and “er” Vanstone.

under southern star – visit this link, it’s worse than Barry Mannilow.

OH MY F#%K!!!!!! AAAAAAAGH!!!! Torn between laughter and suicide. We all know that Amanda Vanstone, former minister for indigenous affairs, immigration, and language lessons penned a little ditty before she got ruthlessly Ian Campbelled by John Howard. But now she has put up a patriotic website with the full mix, piano mix and vocal mix. Whoever does the first mash-up PLEASE send me the link.

As a truly Australian song, Vanstone says in her rappin happenin press release that:

“The song recognises the essential elements of Australia, namely that:

• Indigenous Australians were here before us;

• We are a country founded through immigration;
• Our nation was formed peacefully and voluntarily in 1901;

• The ANZAC spirit is important to us;

• So much of our flora and fauna is unique to Australia.”

Bugger doing this in a poem to music. COULDN”T YOU OR YOUR GOVERNMENT HAVE HAD A CRACK AT SOME OF THESE ISSUES IN ANY REAL WAY IN THE LAST 11 YEARS???!??!?!?!?!
Now don’t get me wrong before I fire bile at this thing – it is wonderful that somebody in the Federal Government has gone out on a creative limb and bared a little bit of their soul. Hallelujah!! But let’s not forget that Pauline Hanson went on Dancing With the Stars and there’s still no reason to think she does anything but feed on the lifeblood and misery of others.

Problems with Under Southern Stars and Vanstone’s analysis of her legacy:

1. It’s meant to be proudly and definitively Australian, but it’s to the tune of the English naval throbatron “Land of Hope & Glory” – think Tim Brooke Taylor in his silken Union Jack belly button bra getting it on for an O.B.E.

2. If the song recognizes that indigenous Australians were here before us, how the f#%k can it claim that the ‘nation’ was founded peacefully?? Or ignore that for 40 000+ years the word ‘Australian’ didn’t actually apply to living here?? I know – by recognizing that this nation was founded on immigration, which neatly neutralizes the realities of genocide Vanstone’s government still hasn’t come to terms with or acknowledged as anything more than a ‘blemish’. And that everyone who died from arsenic-laced bread, flu-laced blankets, deprivation of liberty, bullets, torture, slavery, abduction, and being chased off cliffs when it was decided that bullets were too expensive to waste on Aborigines died ‘peacefully and voluntarily’.

3. When Vanstone says that ‘so much of our flora and fauna is unique’, let’s not forget that it’s only in the last 40 years that the Constitution was changed to recognize indigenous mob as Human as opposed to Fauna. So much of our flora is getting turned into WOODCHIPS. They think ‘flora’ is a margarine spread. Seriously. Canberra, We Have A Problem.

4. Can we PLEASE see some f#%king real solutions instead of horrible Vanthems. Like RESPECT, ACKNOWLEDGMENT, APOLOGY, and real protection for flora and fauna instead of whatever minimum is politically convenient, some bloody action on climate change, and an about-face on the bent-over posture which sees us as America’s handmaiden in both matters of ALL foreign policy and ‘defence policy’.

“Music can open more hearts and minds than legislation and government programs ever will.That’s what I hope Under Southern Stars will do.”

I can think of some legislation and government programs that would open f#$king hearts and minds.

“It gives pride of place to Indigenous Australians. We will only truly reconcile with ourselves when we give voice to the growing understanding, respect and affection for Indigenous Australians...”

You have given voice to it. You told it to f#%k off. That was a bit harsh of me. SORRY.

“I have been trying to get a MP3 of it being done to “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” with a wobble board but no luck so far…”

Maybe you should get an MP3 of it done to Short Memory by The Oils instead….

WHAT THE F#%K!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! This blog has been relatively cuss-free until now, but does anybody have any doubt as to why indigenous Australians in many communities are still living in third world conditions, why children and refugees have been locked in cages in the desert – some for over five years, how this government still manages to pat itself firmly on the back from the yogic position of having its collective head rammed so firmly up its own arse, while refugees and citizens illegally deported as ‘queue jumpers’ are forced to sue for compensation over illegal detention and mistreatment EVEN when the facts speak plainly to DIMIA – Vanstone’s last gig – responsibility for their abuse?!

And who decided it would be a great idea to stick indigenous affairs, immigration, and multiculturalism (RIP) under the one banner anyway? Aren’t indigenous and immigrant concerns kind of opposite? As in, aren’t people who have always been here perhaps got a different set of needs than people who just arrived. Could the government cut the crap and just call it “The Department of Brown People and Human Rights F#$k Ups”?!?!?

Even if Vanstone hadn’t had her eye off the ball in the years it must have taken to pen this violently pre-school effort at rhyming the last word of every second line, it’s doubtful she would have been able to leave anything in a better state than she has. But if she truly wanted to leave any kind of legacy or do something meaningful MAYBE SHE COULD HAVE DONE IT BY NOW.

If she actually is being sent as the Australian ambassador to Italy, there are only a few likely reasons I can think of:

1. John Howard hates Italians
2. They won’t understand her because she’ll either be speaking in Mandarin or singing, which means no more gaffes.
3. It’s just about exactly the other side of the world which is at least as far away as we should send her.

And again I say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH