typing is not activism….

environ mentalism, fresh articles, interviews & checkitouts from Sydney.

Archive for the ‘comedy (?)’ Category

Peter Garrett speaks his mind

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Written by typingisnotactivism

May 11, 2009 at 3:12 am

SAS preparing French paratroopers for Pakistan

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Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.  After the first day they met up in the bar.  “Ah, Pierre ,” asks one, “ow ‘av you been doing?”

“Merde!” answers Pierre .  “I ‘av ‘ad ze most terrible day.  Terrible!  At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg ‘airy sergeant.  ‘E dragged me out of bed and onto ze parade ground.”

“And zen what ‘appened?”  enquired his mate.

“I will tell you what ‘appened!  ‘E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five ft off ze ground and zen ‘e said “Jurmp!”

“And did you jurmp?” asks his mate.

“I did not. I told ‘im – ‘I am a French paratrooper.  I do not jurmp five feet.  Eet is beneath my dignity’.”

“And zen what ‘appened?” asks his mate.

“Zen ‘e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and ‘e said “Jermp.”

“And did you jurmp?” asks his mate.

“I did not.  I told ‘im – ‘I am a French paratrooper.  I do not jurmp ten feet.  Eet is beneath my dignity’.”

“What ‘appened zen?” asks his mate.

“Zen ‘e made me clim urp zis rickety platform un’undred feet above ze parade ground. ‘E undid ‘is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and ‘e said ‘If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your aarze!”

“Sacre Bleu, mon ami” says his mate.  “And did you jurmp?”

“A leetle, at ze beginning.”
(thanks to Mr. M)

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March 14, 2009 at 7:52 pm

New Liberal Leader Malcolm Turnbull: shocking revelations…

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Daisk 5 – pro-whaling spammer douchebag

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Wow. Why did I even bother being polite(ish)?

Daisk 5 posted a comment here in response to another contributor’s lovely insights about the intersection between Maori culture and whales. Unlike that particular contributor, Daisk 5 is not somebody making any kind of special effort or taking the time to make an original, thoughtful, or even intelligent comment.

Doucheaisk 5 has instead gone to almost every post on this blog that is tagged with ‘whales’ and cut’n’pasted the exact same comment.

Dickaisk 5, you can gargle my marbles. You enjoy seeing beautiful intelligent creatures killed because it is a piss-weak, braindead and ugly act, one which you, therefore, can relate to.

Anybody wishing to convey their thoughts to Dildoaisk 5 can try his (too stupid to be female, my guess) email address which has been given as aibu_saki@hotmail.co.jp , although I would guess that aibu_saki@hotmail.com would also be worth a try. Then again, the snivelling prat’s entire input is likely to be as fake as his allusions to culture so you may wish to just make your thoughts known here.

Unless of course you can digitally fist IP 203.160.31.234

Written by typingisnotactivism

February 6, 2008 at 2:10 am

Six Degrees of Celsias…

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An odd choice for a title but possible cause for sustained reflection if you’re punching bowls in pixeltown.

The excellent all-things-planetary-meltdown website Celsias has pumped a wishful article about Coca Cola’s sudden money-down recognition of their ability to play some kind of positive role on the planet. They’ve nicely framed it with some additional links to prankster acts of independent journalism, so although I’m not currently in a posting mode I do encourage you to head over here and check out the prankly goodness.

Oh, by the way – it’s good to sea that Greenpeace haven’t lost their sense of humour, or context, or reality, or self-importance. . .

What the hell – One out of four ain’t bad.

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January 31, 2008 at 2:21 am

Forest campaign against Garrett may have teeth…

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Just pilfered this sassy new bulletin from the ever-lovely Tasmanian Times. It comes fresh from the keyboard of Karl Stevens:

Peter Garrett needs a comb as much as Tasmania needs a pulp mill’.

This is a new campaign targeting Environment Minister Peter Garrett …

PEOPLE are asked to send a plastic hair comb or a picture of a hair comb, with or without an anti-pulpmill message to Environment Minister Garrett.

Nothing abusive or insulting please.

The aim of this campaign is to draw attention to Garrett’s refusal to acknowledge the proposed pulp mill and the clearing of native forest in Tasmania as a critical environmental issue.

There are the 2 addresses for people to post to:
Peter Garrett
Suit MG40
Parliament House Canberra ACT 2600

Peter Garrett
PO Box 249
Maroubra NSW 2035

If you happen to be combing the internet from overseas, just stick ‘Australia’ in before the postcode.

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January 14, 2008 at 12:59 am

Happy New Beer!

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The General Managers of Cascade Brewery , Tooheys , XXXX , CUB and Coopers were at a national beer conference.

They decide to all go to lunch together and the waitress asks what they want to drink.

The General Manager of Tooheys says without hesitation, ‘I’ll have a Tooheys New.’

The General Manager of Cascade smiles and says, ‘I’ll have a Cascade Draught, brewed from pure mountain water.’

The General Manager of Coopers proudly says, ‘I’ll have a Coopers, the King of Beers.’

The bloke from Carlton says, ‘I’ll have a Carlton Draught, the cleanest draught on the planet.’

The General Manager from XXXX glances at his lunch mates and says, ‘I’ll have a Diet Coke.’

The others look at him like he has sprouted a new head.

He just shrugs and says, ‘Well if none of you ponces are drinking beer, then neither am I.’

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January 2, 2008 at 12:05 pm